down the drain..

heler!! it's been a long while since the last time i visited this blog site of mine, hmmm..call me lazy? or busy?? whatever!! but you see motherhood takes up so much of me :0 .. FYI finally, the baby did pop out, a week too late..3rd May 2005, 14:28hrs our angel first saw light :) and from then on, life was never the same again..i did imagine this day would come but the intesity of it, i just couldn't bear for the moment, it's like..help!! i'm a human get me outta here!! sleepless nights, letdown reflexes, milk issues, not to mention you get sooo tired from doing 12hrs of baby sitting!! whew! and they say baby blues will pass away in the first week, yeah right!! and i thought all this hormonal rock-n-roll fades away post pregnancy. yes, i find myself very tearsome and depressed at this stage, embracing motherhood is not at all easy, not to mention all the other issues that come with it :( including hormones!!! somehow i find myself not too attached to the baby and other days i just couldn't live without him..insanity??not!! i went thru alot from the day i knew i am pregnant to this very day, the emotional rock and roll is just too amazing to cope at times and knowing your family is too far away to help or to ask for help, but i think things will pass and i will see light at the end of the tunnel..i guess, and then there's my husband who despite sharing the same emotions as me, is putting up a brave face and hauling up alot of patience, and i am very proud and thankful for having him, because i think without his braveheart characteristics, i would just crumble :( and put all my hardwork down the drain.. of course there are friends who lighten up my day by emails,blogs, texts, phonecalls.... and i'm ever greatful.at this point,all i have with me is a few slices of courage or whatever there is left and prayers.. alot of it..i need to gain back my strength, and some self esteem, i don't think i would be able to go on if these continues to fade away with me..but then again,there's always gold at the end of a rainbow, or so i thought..so we'll wait and see..